CURRENTLY LISTENING TO: good girls go bad - cobra starship ft. leighton meester
inky confession ----> i am nice, but i can't say i'm not mean.

I admit to being quite a mean person. I'm mean to my friends, rude to those that aren't my friends, speak my mind when I am annoyed or angry, and often times, called a jerk when I am joking. But in truth, am I really.

It's a fun matter to ponder, as I really don't mind what the answer comes out to be. I don't mind if I really am all of the above. I am only human. I also know that as much as I can be cold, they can't say I'm not nice. But my curiosity makes me have a deeper view of this subject. Just who are we all. They say you can only truly tell someone's real side by the way they react in the worst situations. For me, I admit, I am not the nicest person during rough times. Infact, I'm quite.. cruel. I am blunt. Sometimes, I say things just to make people angry. I don't fully understand, but there's some pleasure I get out of it. I mess with people's minds.

But sometimes, it gets to me. Hearing your own words echo back into your head the moment you say them, you realize what others are hearing coming from you. For the slightest moment, I felt my angry vibe. I felt my meanness. It struck me pretty hard. It made me want to take my words back. But then it was gone. I felt that those words were well deserved. I wanted to laugh, I wanted to say it again. I felt it was well said. Spoken for the silent ones.

So really, is this an attitude that can be defined? You can't say I'm a bad person, nor a bad friend. I really do care for everyone that is considered a friend, I do things to make people happy, compliment and flatter people. Say things that I mean, love the ones that are to be loved. I swear I'm not those foul terms. There is a reason why my best friend can deal with me. I have been nothing but myself, with whatever comes to mind. Is there something that makes this loveable? Actually, maybe it is not loveable. Mabye it's looked down upon, hated on. I wouldn't know, because then again, a best friend is a best friend for a reason.

I am.. bittersweet, if you ask me.

-s.