inky confession ----> i'm recovering, and i'm better than before.

Hm, this may be my last update for a while on here. I've found somewhere to 'escape' to if I really needed to, and feel no need to update the world on my current state of minds. I can just tell you now that I am feeling good. I'm happy, and I'm looking forward to what's to come. Currently, I think I have finally been progressing. I've been 'moving on' from certain things that I've tried letting go many times. I've truly begun to change the way I wanted to. Looks like my New Years resolutions are still hopeful.

It's surprising how the shittiest weeks can make the biggest difference. I felt like, through my mistakes, I've really learned something I would have never truly understood. Through the pain and tears, I'm in a good spot in my life right now.

The closest thing to my heart is my family right now. They've been here every step of the way, loving and supporting me in everything that I choose to do. All I care about is that they're healthy and happy. Happiness comes first, of course. So I'll do whatever it is in my ability to maintain that.

I hope everyone else is doing alright. To be honest, I am a very caring person, but I rarely think about others' lives and how they're doing. I don't usually wonder about it, when I'm so caught up in my own thoughts. However - I see the importance of those around me, and it would really make me happier to see those that I love in a happier state of mind as well.

-s.

inky confession ----> thank-you, for teaching me this lesson before it was too late.

Why is it that many of us live just for the fact that we're not dead yet? To see how long we can tease death before it engulfs us. To know that we're capable of staying alive. It's in the nature of man's heart that we become fearless and blinded from our impulsive reasoning and misguided logic. We don't run away from the risky, dangerous paths we put ourselves on. We seek it.

Everyday actions can easily justify this behavior. Women in relationships involving domestic violence constantly say that they're in love with the men they're with. Druggies and dealers, even before they were addicted, knew what they were getting themselves into when they took the first step. Skateboarders and professional athletes perform dangerous, life-risking tricks just to know that they can accomplish them.

This all concludes down to the nature of humanity. This is one of our many flaws. And perhaps we may back up our actions with our own reasoning, but the big picture remains the same. We risk death from our own doings, for our own thrill. ..Whatever that may be.

So if you're smart, you'll know what's good for you. Stay out of danger, and always, there will be a decision of whether or not something is worth it. Is it really worth what it's made out to be? Don't take the 'easy' road if you know you're just shoving the rocks forward.

-s.

If you love something, let it go. If it comes back to you, it's yours. If it doesn't, it was never yours.

True, to a certain point. But what if it did come back, but left again? Who's to blame?

Nevermind my recurring thoughts. Finals are coming up. I felt pretty good coming back after break, but scared of what's next. I'm scared of trying to make up for my past actions. Scared of ruining my future with a single blow.

-s.

CURRENTLY LISTENING TO: apologize - one-republic
inky confession ----> 2010. . . HERE WE GO.

Closure was what I needed many times this year, but never received. Never moved on from those things I wanted to let go of so badly, and what better time to do so than now? End of one year, beginning of another. Time to put those memories to rest. Leave it all behind, carry nothing but myself into this exquisite timeframe of 2o1o.

So now it's an official goodbye to 'o9. Letting go of old grudges, I've had my fair share of time of being stubborn. Maybe now's the time to reminisce. . make my final judgement about 'o9. But I won't. Why waste my time thinking about the past, when the future's something I'm so excited to look forward to? I've stressed all I needed to over this past year, spilled my thoughts plenty, cried a good amount. That can all rest in peace, because I'm done. Done with all of that.

"It's often said that no matter the truth, people see what they want to see. Some people might take a step back and find out, they were looking at the same big picture all along." -GG.

I've grown as a person. It doesn't take a birthday party or the official growing of age.. But a whole year of life experiences, definitely. I'm still on the path of figuring out who I am, but I've learned plenty. I've changed. I'm still changing. And I wish to continue changing, until that certain day, I find that I've finally found myself. Isn't that what we as human beings, were meant to do? Find our place in this world, and seek bliss in our lives. Others may not see what I see in the coming of a new year, maybe they're content with how things are already. I, however, am not just yet..

I think I've felt a never ending circle of emotions this year. Felt love for the slightest second, learned pain's pain, and perhaps - who my real friends are. Along with this, plenty of mistakes have been made on my part. I still am deeply sorry to those I've hurt and truth is, I never did get over it. I'm trying to now. I hope that is understandable, because we all need to get on with our lives. Flaws are what builds up our humanity.

I have my resolutions carefully planned and thought out. God knows that I'll never complete them, but tradition is tradition.

Cheers to everyone, and to the year of 2009. Here's to 2010, and what's to come.
Happy New Years !

-s.