CURRENTLY LISTENING TO: whatcha say - jason derulo
inky confession ----> help me.

this has been, undoubtedly, the hardest school-year so far. and to think, last year's troubles are nothing now. i knew what was coming, but i never expected the blow to be so hard. believe me, no kid will ever understand until they actually experience it. i know i didn't. i was told numerous times, sophomore year was one of the hardest, and maybe even junior too - but had i taken that into serious consideration, i may be more on the ball now.

lately, i have been struggling to breathe - both physically and mentally. being physically sick does not make life easier in any way. for the first time, i've taken a step back from my old habits and likings. procrastination isn't a choice anymore. it isn't even possible. even the amount of time i spend online has drastically went down - i don't IM as much anymore, or play games. in these times, all you can think of is yourself. anything thing to pick yourself back up, to not fall behind in the waves. treading water for my life.

over the course of the first few weeks, i've felt myself scatter in all directions. sleep has become a rare, nonexistant, pleasure in my life. certainly, things need to change directions. i won't let myself fall any lower; the phrase 'dying as you live' comes into play. painful. it may not be as hard for some, but it certainly is for me - and that may be the consequences of my own actions in the past. i've certainly been taught a very important lesson that i can't forget, even in my wildest dreams. time management. no joke. consider me changed.

-s.