CURRENTLY LISTENING TO: rain - matt palmer
inky confession ----> maybe this is for the best. i don't really know.

It's 3:30 a.m, and I'm writing this for a reason.

Just to say that you're still special to me. I'm sorry I acted like GG was more important than you, but you would know that that's not the real case. Only you'd know how much I'm genuinely addicted to the show. It seems that even after I thought things had ended, it didn't seem to be that case. I thought that maybe keeping a distance between us would be for the best. Especially since I thought you'd hate me after ChristmasEve. Though, you still talk to me, and we had our latenight convo like we used to. Until one of us was too tired and decided to go to sleep.. which would usually be you. Lol.

It takes a good amount of peace and quiet - the time when everyone's asleep - for me to realize that despite my changed moods, I still care for you. It was never that I stopped caring for you.. I thought I did. I just felt overwhelmed.. with everything that's been going on. I didn't even know why, I just knew things like how I felt, had changed. I was out of happiness, and just thought that breaking from all the things that had made me happy, would help me regain it. It's pretty messed up. But it's working.

I actually felt like tonight, things have actually gone back to normal for once. It felt like how it used to feel. Is that a sign that maybe this was the right thing to do? Or that maybe things have changed, and I prefer it this way? I wouldn't know. All I know is that happiness should be kept above all others. Even if the change would be hard and bring you down..

We've been friends for a full year now. Now that it's the end of one year, I can get to think back to the beginning. You've been such an impact. Well, I know I brought change upon myself because I wanted to. But it was you that helped me realize I had the potential; you were my strength. Maybe you still are.. There's been lots going on in my head these past few days. I just hope that whatever happens, I'll continue to do what's right for me. I'm choosing to live my life by moments now. Whatever makes me happy, is what I'll do. I just hope that whatever path that may be, that it'll include you.

-s.