CURRENTLY LISTENING TO: 愛上你 - S.H.E.
inky confession ----> my favorite essay i've ever written for class.

I am not a musician. I cannot compose music or use my voice to sing to express my thoughts and emotions.
I am an artist. And by that definition, I am someone who has always loved to explore beyond the limits of imagination and seeks inspiration through manmade beauty. I fully believe that beauty is in the eye of the beholder and that everything is viewed through a sense of relativity. I believe that there are no set standards. There are endless ways I could express myself, but I choose to do so through the tip of a brush and the point of a pencil. Inspiration, imagination, motivation, and creativity are all necessary to function as an artist. Also, precision and accuracy are needed to sharpen my mind, the tool of my trade.
Recently I was made keenly aware of the different dimensions and traits that an artist possesses. As an artist, it is a common known fact that things appear differently to the ‘untrained eye’. Regarding artwork, an artist’s perspective will always be unpredictable, opinions will always vary. There is no pattern to the mind. There are no ends, no limits, no definite. My mind’s imagination has been stretched and expanded through the span of many years and the intake and discovery of thousands of new creations. With this, my outlook on life and daily happenings are just as impulsive and unpredictable.
I am often told that I am quite optimistic. I choose to see through the worst of times to find the better of situations. I believe this trait is strongly connected with being an artist. As an artist, I’ve learned to appreciate different forms of beauty. What may appear as nothing more than random objects to some people, may be the perfect props for photography. There is no standard form of beauty in my mind; I am very flexible and open-minded. Thus, I tend to instinctively extract the best features from something. An artist views this ability as an exercise to the mind, to be able to think freely and explore the realms of creativity. To be able to see something others can’t see is one of the key points of being an artist. It’s as simple as finding shapes in clouds. As your mind power gradually grows, it is noticeable that the way you view things in life will begin to change as well.
My expectations in life are set higher than what is expected because an artist’s sense of perfection is hypothetically unreachable. Just as in art, there is no defined perfection; everything is relative. There is always room for improvement, a boundary left unexplored, a part of the canvas left unpainted… There is always a better piece of work, always things that could have been done. For this reason, I am always in a determined state of mind to achieve a step higher than my ability allows me to. I believe that through training and time, everything will always eventually come in reach.
With the mind being the powerhouse of my trade, the mind of an artist is usually quite complex and hard to figure out. It is unable to be defined in a paragraph, much less a single word. Justly so, our personalities are often quite deep and make lasting impressions. The work we create changes as much as our emotions allow them to. I can shift through various states of mind in order to make sure my work produces the desired aura and feel. However, this is more easily said than done. Finding the right state of mind is a tough and often frustrating process. Art block is a common symptom when an artist is unable to find the needed inspiration to continue. Though, once free from art block, the mind of an artist can transcend miles beyond greatness. It can break free from the strings of ordinary thinking. This often results in confusion, as people with ‘untrained eyes’ may not be able to comprehend this level of thinking. On the contrary, other artists who have reached the same level of expertise will appreciate the breakthrough.
As an artist, I’ve learned to accept my differences from society. To me, the unique aspects and traits that artists begin to develop are more or less, a blessing. I wouldn’t say they are all necessary beneficial as it is a rather complicated concept to understand. However, it is always a fascinating experience to meet another artist, who is able to relate and shares the same way of thinking.
I am an artist. I look, I think, I express, I sketch, I draw, I paint, I create. I appreciate the power of the mind and the strength of the hand.

-s.

inky confession ----> it hurts to be away from everyone for so long.

I apologize for the looong MIA. For those that aren't MSN users, then you probably just noticed how much of an inactive blogger I've become or how rarely I update my twitter nowadays. Or even facebook.. I still go on, but barely comment or anything. For those friends that do talk to me on MSN, sorry for the long absence. Nothing happened to me, no worries! Life's just really been hectic lately, and I really needed some time 'alone' for a breather.

I got an e-mail today from a friend that really made me realize my absence. It made me smile, so thank you. D, I miss you lots, and yea I am having Easter weekend as well! Hope yours was nice. Really didn't plan for my 'sudden disappearance', but it just so happened that's how things turned out.

I can't describe my mood lately. Truthfully, there has been some sad feelings surrounding my thoughts.. but usually, that's just what happens when I end up staying up late. I'm always alone with my thoughts at night. Maybe that's why I like staying up. It's the only time I can truly be by myself and just think. Sometimes, getting these strange feelings is my mind telling me to stop, and just go sleep. But still, these past few days have been different from any mindset I've been in for awhile. I'm trying to figure out why, but even I can't seem to pinpoint it. Maybe I've grown up another year in my mind.. A lot of childish things that once filled my head seem so irrelevant now. Perhaps this is how people begin to change. I write based on my feelings and my mood, and so my personality goes along with it. The type of person I am changes with my emotions, but this new 'feeling' hasn't left me yet. Maybe this isn't a phase. Maybe it's who I am now.

I think I actually want to start blogging again. Sharing things with everyone else seems to be like a good idea, I just hope you guys don't get annoyed if I actually do start rambling!

Happy Easter to everyone who celebrates!

I want to bring this place back to life again. Feel free to comment whenever.

-s.

inky confession ----> hate you when you're here, miss you when you're gone.

This is the way you left me, I'm not pretending.
No hope, no love, no glory - no happy ending.

@T- I adore the set. Thank you?! Lol, much appreciated. (;

Are we really attracted to people who drive us crazy, even if we don't realize it? Not the good 'crazy', but the one with bad connotations. Just wondering.

inky confession ----> what happens next?

It almost feels like I've forgotten how to blog here. No, I shouldn't let this go to waste. So I'm back.

''It's so plain to see.
Baby, you're beautiful.
There's nothing wrong with you.
It's me. I'm a freak.
But thanks for loving me, you're doing it perfectly.

Just don't give up.
I'm workin' it out.
Please, don't give in.
I won't let you down.''

To condense everything that has happened from my last post 'till now, not much can be explained. Their are two things that are on my mind right now. School, and a friend.

inky confession ----> i'm recovering, and i'm better than before.

Hm, this may be my last update for a while on here. I've found somewhere to 'escape' to if I really needed to, and feel no need to update the world on my current state of minds. I can just tell you now that I am feeling good. I'm happy, and I'm looking forward to what's to come. Currently, I think I have finally been progressing. I've been 'moving on' from certain things that I've tried letting go many times. I've truly begun to change the way I wanted to. Looks like my New Years resolutions are still hopeful.

It's surprising how the shittiest weeks can make the biggest difference. I felt like, through my mistakes, I've really learned something I would have never truly understood. Through the pain and tears, I'm in a good spot in my life right now.

The closest thing to my heart is my family right now. They've been here every step of the way, loving and supporting me in everything that I choose to do. All I care about is that they're healthy and happy. Happiness comes first, of course. So I'll do whatever it is in my ability to maintain that.

I hope everyone else is doing alright. To be honest, I am a very caring person, but I rarely think about others' lives and how they're doing. I don't usually wonder about it, when I'm so caught up in my own thoughts. However - I see the importance of those around me, and it would really make me happier to see those that I love in a happier state of mind as well.

-s.

inky confession ----> thank-you, for teaching me this lesson before it was too late.

Why is it that many of us live just for the fact that we're not dead yet? To see how long we can tease death before it engulfs us. To know that we're capable of staying alive. It's in the nature of man's heart that we become fearless and blinded from our impulsive reasoning and misguided logic. We don't run away from the risky, dangerous paths we put ourselves on. We seek it.

Everyday actions can easily justify this behavior. Women in relationships involving domestic violence constantly say that they're in love with the men they're with. Druggies and dealers, even before they were addicted, knew what they were getting themselves into when they took the first step. Skateboarders and professional athletes perform dangerous, life-risking tricks just to know that they can accomplish them.

This all concludes down to the nature of humanity. This is one of our many flaws. And perhaps we may back up our actions with our own reasoning, but the big picture remains the same. We risk death from our own doings, for our own thrill. ..Whatever that may be.

So if you're smart, you'll know what's good for you. Stay out of danger, and always, there will be a decision of whether or not something is worth it. Is it really worth what it's made out to be? Don't take the 'easy' road if you know you're just shoving the rocks forward.

-s.

If you love something, let it go. If it comes back to you, it's yours. If it doesn't, it was never yours.

True, to a certain point. But what if it did come back, but left again? Who's to blame?

Nevermind my recurring thoughts. Finals are coming up. I felt pretty good coming back after break, but scared of what's next. I'm scared of trying to make up for my past actions. Scared of ruining my future with a single blow.

-s.